Can we have a little fun while we’re at it?

Hear ye, hear ye! Residents, denizens and all persons of the territory and surrounding environs (and anybody who just happens to drop by):

Be it known that from this date forward, recipients of unsolicited mail purporting to offer various and sundry forms of credit, loans, insurance or other financial gobbledegook are hereby ordered to no longer simply dispose of same without opening.

Recipients are further instructed to remove the “return mail” (i.e., “business reply mail”) envelope and insert in it a blank piece of paper (appropriately folded to fit). This item is then to be deposited in the recipient’s outgoing mail receptacle or delivered to the appropriate United States Postal Service facility for return to the Squaliformes at their sole expense.

Be it so ordered.
The Clerk of This Honorable Court

[(Note from the Clerk of the Court: His honor wishes to recuse himself from this particular matter in that he does not want to take credit for the idea and thus he offers himself the defense of plausible deniability for any outcome.)]