The new Government Motors product direction!

The Honorable Judge Roy Bean

So you decide to buy a Goverment Motors vehicle ... "Doh!"

Hey - want to take a chance?

Looking for a real bargain?

How 'bout ol' Bean offers you a truck deal you can't refuse? How 'bout you run right down to your (for now) local GM dealer and get in on a steal of a deal. Hey - how can you go wrong if you're buying a vehicle from none other than the United States Government?

You know, the people in Washington who can't find their ass with both hands? Hey - take advantage of the situation before the next election. They'll never find you if you do it right - but there are some things you might want to check into when you walk into a GM dealer.

First, when was the last time you bought anything from the United States Government?

Chances are if you're the average consumer looking for a vehicle you've never bought anything from Uncle Sam. There are good reasons for this. Uncle Sam isn't accustomed to being paid based on what something is really worth. In fact, Uncle Sam will take $5.00 dollars one day and $5,000.00 the next for the very same thing. It all depends on - well, no one really knows what it depends on.

So when you walk in to what used to be a General Motors dealership and want one of the cars on the lot that seems to be what you're looking for, you're going to be faced with some things that no other car buyer in the history of United States commerce has had to deal with.

First, you used to be able to rely on the warranty terms and conditions that were specified in the proposed sales agreement. Well, sorry, those might not really apply because the government may not even have to honor contracts that they didn't offer you. See, there's this really creative gibberish that will eventually override your purchase contract because the United States is about to become the majority stockholder in General Motors and will, of course, control the Board of Directors and guess what - you can't sue the United States without their permission. Wanna gamble on who loses in that game?

And let's not forget how the innumerable state "lemon law" statutes will soon become meaningless. After all, a federally-owned company cannot be subject to state laws.

I hate to say it, but current GM dealers should kiss the marque goodbye. Anyone who spends a dime on advertising the sale of Government Motors vehicles is tossing good money after bad. Not to mention anyone who accepts a dime of advertising - which means the next step from the administration will be to subsidize advertising of their brand so the media keeps the scam going.

The Honorable Judge Roy Bean

He Who Has the Gold isn't going to take it lying down

With all the cheering going on among the consumer advocates you'd think the new credit card law is the answer to borrower's prayers.

It is, but it isn't. Washington would love us to believe they're standing up to He Who Has the Gold but the reality of the current show of force is that we're all going to be paying for it, one way or the other.

In the first place, the law doesn't go into affect for nine months. The Squaliformes have plenty of time to slap consumers and Washington around a bit.

Consumers will be pounded with more and more fees, usurious interest and manufactured situations that punish even responsible customers. And why would they do that? Why would they try to drive off customers?

Because they're patient. It's their money and it will go elsewhere until their minions in Washington snap out of their giddy victory swoon.

See, a huge chunk of the US economy is retail driven. When He Who Has the Gold balks at retail credit under the new rules next year, all those retailers who have handed their highly profitable CC operations off to He Who Has the Gold are going to find armies of irate FORMER customers.

Here's a graphic of what's going to be happening:

We're going to be transitioning back to an economic model that requires more and more consumers to have the money to buy something before they actually acquire it. In a sense, that's a good thing - but not for the Squaliformes or the economy as a whole. But instead of letting the lenders suck huge percentages of the economy onto their balance sheets as receivables, consumers will accumulate (as in, save) their own funds to acquire things at a future date.

And what will the Squaliformes do in order to prevent this from lasting too long or letting it get too far out of their control?

Simple - hold their breath and stomp their feet. They'll continue to hold back credit for all kinds of commercial needs. They will toss back the TARP and PPIP money. The economy will stagnate further and eventually this new administration and the socialists on the hill will return to their rightful place at the feet of the Squaliformes or face being run out of office because of utter economic stupidity.

If we could ride this out to the point where there is actually competition among Squaliformes and they really need consumers to trust them, we'll regain the upper hand. But we'll need an entirely new set of faces in Washington to make that happen.

The Honorable Judge Roy Bean